Worth and honor are inextricable; braided together harmoniously. When we honor someone or something, it is because we attach worth to them or it- we assign it high value. The high value or worth we perceive then drives us to behave in ways which honor the person or thing. One leads to the other.
Sometimes it is easier to learn how we really value our worth by looking at how we relate to others. If you had to track how many times per week you honor someone else’s feelings, timeline, expectations, or wishes above your own, how long would your list be?
Let me be more specific about what it means to honor someone else over yourself.
Each time that you make a point to show up early or on time for an appointment with someone, you are honoring them. You’re demonstrating to them that they matter; they are worthy of your punctuality, attention and time. You are honoring them by showing up when they expect you to.
If your client asked to meet with you at 9:30 AM, and you showed up at 9:40, that wouldn’t go well for you, would it? By being late, you are implying that your client’s time isn’t valuable to you, or worse even, they may infer that they aren’t important to you.
As trivial as a few minutes may seem, it is a dishonor because of what it implies regarding that person’s worth to you. This goes deep, it’s not just about minutes in an hour. If you valued them more, then you would have made certain that you showed up early, or at least on time. Yes, you would have left earlier, or you’d skip the Skinny Mocha Latte in the drive through lane, or you would leave your last appointment sooner to ensure being timely.
But do you do this for yourself? If you set an appointment with yourself to do something which makes you happy, healthy, or helps you draw closer to a goal, do you show up on time for yourself? Do you skip the appointment all together?
For example, you go to sleep and set your alarm for morning exercise before work, but when the alarm buzzes, you hit snooze a few times and tell yourself, “I’ll work out later, I need to ease into the day.” But you know you won’t hit the gym tonight because it’s Taco Tuesday and Happy Hour with your friends makes the week bearable. Or you’ll be too tired to exercise after work as usual, so you’ll skip your appointment with yourself. You’ve stood yourself up and you’ve lied to yourself, which dishonors your word.
What does that action say about how you value your worth? If we miss our own opportunities to proclaim our worth by valuing our time, energy, and commitments to self, we dishonor ourselves which leads to lower self-worth. It’s cyclical.
Each time we dishonor ourselves, it’s a papercut to our soul which diminishes our self-worth.
Why is our WORTH so hard to accept? I know that women have been trained for centuries since the creation of Patriarchy to serve all others before themselves, and if we think about serving ourselves we are sometimes considered “selfish.” We must unlearn a lot of bad doctrine that has crawled into every aspect of life. We must deconstruct the old and construct new teaching. We don’t need permission to love ourselves, we were created to love ourselves and love others- but secure the first part first, it’s essential. It is vital to living a meaningful, beautiful, creative, powerful, and purposeful life. And when we love ourselves, we own our worth, thus we honor our lives and the Creator.
I’ve been thinking about how I have dishonored myself lately in several ways.
Here are a few of my beauties:
- I have squashed my instincts so much that I’m surprised they haven’t divorced me
- I have spent too much energy creating space for people who won’t reciprocate
- I have made myself too available for some people sacrificing my own schedule and causing me unnecessary stress
- I have allowed someone to intimidate me (I can’t believe I’ve done it again!)
- I haven’t expressed my creative soul that has been starving
- I have ignored my writing (Not today!)
- I haven’t spent enough time with myself to just be and enjoy a wandering mind
- I haven’t given myself the time to think and connect to myself
Every day that we make tiny decisions which dishonor ourselves, we slice another paper cut into our soul, and over time, everything hurts but we can’t pinpoint one source of pain to heal.
But here is the magnificence of self-honor, you can begin now; and each time that you decide to honor yourself throughout the day, your practice will become more natural and easier to do. In fact, not honoring ourselves is unnatural and the soul knows it. That’s a disconnect you might be experiencing right now.
So, how to begin a good practice of honoring yourself?
- Know yourself- listen to your inner voice and instincts and pay attention when she speaks
- Pause throughout the day and ask yourself -Is this worthy of my time or attention or energy?
- Pay attention to your promises or commitments to self
- Set daily small goals (write them down) to follow through and show up for yourself (even if it’s just a ten-minute stretch to read a magazine for creative inspiration, listen to a podcast, or a walk around the block- do it)
- Evaluate your relationships with others; your time is also valuable, and if it’s not an emergency, and you have an important commitment for yourself, set another date for them
This isn’t about promoting narcissism or showing less love for humanity. This is about recapturing what we have lost through cultural, societal, historical, and personal experiences. This is about re-connecting with our true selves, appreciating our priceless worth, and then living our lives with honor. Life is a gift. A gift to live our highest purpose, and we all have a high purpose. My wish is that every woman lives her life with such honor, that she fulfills all her dreams, her purposes, and her destiny with rapture. She is worthy.